A dog is walking down the street when he notices a “Help Wanted” sign in an Office window, so he goes in to apply.
The dog is asked “Can you type?” The dog sits down at the typewriter and produces a flawless page.
Then he is asked “Do you take shorthand?” The dog takes out a steno pad and pencil and records the whole office conversation.
“Well obviously you can type and take shorthand, but I’m sorry to tell you I’m looking for someone who is bilingual.”
The dog looks up at him and says “Meow!”
Texts from the Dog
April 1, 2012
Early this morning, scientists at Liger University released a statement reporting the discovery of a here-to unknown species that appears to be a dog-cat hybrid. (Finally, cat people and dog people with something in common!) The animal was discovered living in a small colony in caves near Lyon, France, apparently subsisting on bats. A local woman who saw the scientists emerge with one of the new species, for now being referred to as “dat,” was reported as exclaiming, “Agh! C’est un monstre!”. Reactions are mixed, however; the university has reported being besieged by calls from individuals interested in adopting a dat.
UPDATE: near relative of dog/cat hybrid “dat” discovered in neighbouring village. For now it is being called “cog.”
HAHAHAHAHA… APRIL FOOL’S (sorry it’s late)
I could walk around barefoot in the yard.
Flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and food would be free of hair.
When the doorbell rings, my house wouldn’t sound like a kennel.
When the phone rings, my house wouldn’t sound like a kennel.
I could sit anywhere I wanted on the couch, and sleep in my bed anyway I wanted.
I would have money (and no guilt) to go on a vacation.
I wouldn’t be woken in the middle of the night to answer p(ee)-mail.
I would not be on a first-name basis with six veterinarians.
My pockets would not contain things like poop bags, treats and an extra leash.
I would use more of my vocabulary than just “sit, down, come, no, stay, and leave it”.
I’d look forward to spring and the rain instead of dreading ‘mud’ season.
I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as out.
I would still know how to walk in heels.
There would be no laughing at puppy antics or cuddling with warm, furry bodies. I wouldn’t fully understand the joy of sharing the simple things.
I wouldn’t have met some of the kindest selfless people I have ever known.
If I didn’t have a dog, I might be dressed nicer and have more money, but I wouldn’t be nearly as happy.
Posted in dogs, humour
A woman looked up as a funeral procession was going by. Following behind two hearses was a woman walking a dog on a leash. Behind the woman and the dog walked hundreds of women in single file!
Curious she approached the woman with the dog and said, “My condolences for your loss, but I’ve never seen a funeral procession like this. Whose funeral is it?”
The woman replied, “Well, the first hearse is for my husband.”
“What happened to him?”
The woman replied, “My dog attacked and killed him.”
She inquired further, “Who is in the second hearse?”
The woman answered, “My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.”
A moment of thoughtful silence passed.
“Can I borrow the dog?”
“Sure, get in line.”
It’s Mine If:
• I like it,
• It’s in my mouth,
• I can take it from you,
• I had it before (at any time),
• I’m chewing it,
• It just looks like mine,
• I saw it first,
• You put it down, but..
• If it gets broken, first of all THE CAT DID IT! … then it’s yours!